Confession of a Recovering Perfectionist

 

Melissa Palazzo is a mom, a wife and President of Ant Farm. And during 20+ years in the biz, she’s learned a few things. Palazzo is one of a handful of female agency presidents; her voice offers valuable insight and a behind-the-scenes look at being a woman in advertising today.

After spending my entire college experience freaking out over every test and paper, I graduated with a 4.0 GPA and was recruited by the top management consulting firms. I chose the one I felt was the most prestigious to try to rationalize having had no social life for those four years. It was a very left-brained job at a company run by all men. There was a woman who was five years ahead of me on the fast track to what I thought I wanted. Let’s call her “Bella.” I would make up excuses to casually pass her office and strike up a conversation. I liked her. (As an unrelated side note, she had fabulous hair.) Bella unofficially became my mentor and taught me the lay of the land.

I worked there for three years and never saw the sun go down. I worked 80 hours a week. I outworked my male counterparts because I felt I had to prove myself. I also out-ate them because I loved to eat and one of the perks of always working was we got free food. Each year we were all rated. I was rated number one out of two hundred people in my third year. I met my mom for lunch in Grand Central in New York and told her the news of being number one. She was so proud of me. I just sat there, numb, and then said somberly, “My soul is dying.” I had done it for the money and prestige, but I had a deep-seated need to be creative. So I quit.

Everyone thought I was insane. Maybe I was. Actually my husband can 100 percent confirm that I am.

And that was my start of working in the creative world. I acted in plays and performed standup comedy. It was incredibly rewarding but I needed to eat. So I also waited tables. Yes, I waited tables to support my art. One afternoon two partners from the prestigious management consulting firm came in and were shocked to see me. One said, “Honey, why are you here? You had such a bright future.” I did not particularly like being called “Honey” and I felt embarrassed but I politely said, “Oh, Honey, I still do.” Then I got them their espresso. I learned to be a worker among workers, which taught me a lot about client service, humility and respect.

I wanted to find a way to meld my business sense and my creative passions. So I worked for a filmmaker, helping him with his business, and that was my entrée into entertainment advertising. I gave up some money initially, but what I gained in soul fulfillment more than made up for it.

Each job I’ve had over the years has had incrementally more responsibilities and a broader scope, and each time I didn’t feel 100 percent qualified. But I would talk through my fears and reservations with Bella. I was terrified every time, but she told me that as women we sometimes don’t feel qualified, which doesn’t mean we aren’t qualified. I learned to suit up and show up even when I was afraid.

I like people, and early on in my career I really wanted ALL of them to like me, too. I still care about people and I lead from my head and heart, but the truth is not everyone is going to like me and I am okay with that. Effective leadership builds a following based upon vision and values rather than on seeking approval. In many cases, mutual trust and respect lead to a deeper relationship than just liking one another.

Today as President of Ant Farm, I use my right and left-brain equally (and make a great espresso), which brings me tremendous joy personally and adds value for my clients. I get to collaborate with some of the most talented people in the world and partner with some of the biggest names in entertainment and media. We’re an agency that pushes the boundaries of technology, creativity and innovation in order to deliver not just memorable advertisements, but unforgettable experiences.

Bella and I continue to check in with each other. Without her I probably would not be where I am today, and for that I mentor and give back to other women.

What I tell my mentees is, “You don’t have to have all the answers. Perfection is the enemy of great. When I aimed for perfection, I procrastinated and then I became paralyzed. Humility and curiosity are actually more powerful than perfection and lead to highly creative collaborative teams. There’s a great study by Hewlett-Packard about promotions whose findings have since been replicated. They found: ‘Women will apply for a promotion when they feel they have roughly 100 percent of the job qualifications; men will apply for promotions when they think they have 60 percent, and they figure they’re just going to learn on the job.’ Give yourself the freedom to fail. Because you will. And then give yourself a huge high five because you did it. That is what builds courage—feeling the fear and doing it anyway.”